Most of us think we listen closely to our patients, but what we frequently do instead is selectively listen, mix it with a form of cognitive bias, apply what we remember about similar experiences, and then form an assumption about a relative stranger.
At its core, this represents a form of self-deception, designed to speed up our interactions so we can move on to the next one with another person.
True listening, no matter how brief, requires effort and total concentration. This means we cannot truly listen to another person and do anything else at the same time.
Within this frame, truly listening with an intention to fully understand sounds like a challenging task while in the middle of a busy day at the office.
And that is because it is challenging – very challenging.
But it’s also critically important, as our willingness to truly listen is the most tangible form of esteem we can give to another person. And if we give a new acquaintance our esteem, they will feel less ashamed or embarrassed.
Consequently, they will start to feel less threatened and more valuable. And it’s those who feel valuable -to themselves-who are most likely to be interested in taking better care of themselves through fine dentistry.
Hence, there is no better way for our patients to learn they are valuable (rather than deficient, flawed, hopeless, etc.) then by our valuing them first through careful listening.
The more our patients feel valuable and valued, the more our patients rise up to our expectations. And getting people to rise to our expectations is all about leadership – leadership through listening and valuing.
So, quite simply, this is how you start to build a health-centered / relationship-based practice. You build it one person at a time, by facilitating personal growth and greater maturity with regard to how fine dental and whole health care can enhance the quality of each person’s life.
Dr. Pankey said that 90% of the new patients who enter the average practice are unaware of the value of dentistry could represent in their life. He called these patients “below the line”, meaning below the line of appreciation.
It’s easy to build a practice around well-referred, highly appreciative patients, but if 90% of the patients are not coming in the door that way, how can this be achieved?
By truly listening.
By valuing.
By leading.
The more we listen, the more we come to know our patients. The more we know our patients, the more effective we will become at facilitating learning. And this is because when we know our patients well, we avoid teaching at moments when they are not yet ready to learn – instead, we patiently wait, or we avoid offending them by telling them things that they already know (which is perceived as being talked down-to).
Concurrently, careful listening conveys our valuing of them, and this, in turn, causes others to be more open to listening to us.
So, true listening leads to more timely and appropriate teaching, which then facilitates greater learning.
And it’s more significant learning which moves people “above the line” and toward the acceptance of complete health-centered care.
Paul A. Henny, DDS